Ship Too Damn Good-Looking

Statistics, schmagistics. After careful study and in-depth analysis, it has been determined that proficiency in darts has nothing to do with practice. Won / Loss percentage, partner pairings, past performance all mean nothing. In the end, it appears that the less attractive you are, the better you are at darts. Frankly, what else could explain these guys from the scary Canadian team, and the Ship's 13-5 loss to O'Hanlon's?

Rich, playing in a suit that upgraded his appearance to "passable", started off the night by getting crushed by Kowalski. Then, the lovely Holly and Meredith both lost close games. Dashing Fred (6 - 2) and stunning Mindy (5 - 1) extended their strong records in S501, where they have consistently and fortuitously been matched up against a string of Victoria's Secret models and Brad Pitt. (Oddly, they have also consistently played trolls and gnomes in their D501 matches, where they have a combined record of 1 win and 11 losses. Apparently there's no "I" in the beholder of doubles.) Then, in a heartbreaking ending, Nikki lost when her troglodyte opponent got out from 77.

When paired up, the Ship's attractive powers multiply, causing real trouble with Cricket and D501. In the Cricket round, the strapping Fred and sultry Meredith lost two hard-fought matches. Sexy Mindy and exotic Nikki, who should absolutely never win together, amazingly managed a split. (Their win was credited more to their lack of practice than to attractiveness, which is a corollary to the newly discovered phenomena that must be researched further.) Rich and Holly didn't stand a chance in their match against two ogres. While Holly tried her best to buck the trend, even her heroic effort was not enough to overcome the disparity between pulchritude and repugnance.

In order to overcome their combined splendor, The Ship needed a sweep in D501 to tie up the match. While everyone else in the bar was becoming more attractive with each passing beer, Rich and his Cokes managed to maintain their unsightliness, allowing him to double out for a win to start D501. But the exquisite team of Fred and Mindy were doomed from the start, and the dazzling pair of Meredith and Holly were so gruesome-impaired that they needed some magic to avoid an embarrassing midget tossing.

When it comes right down to it, we look marvelous, and we pay a price for it.

Props: 
Holly - For the lineup.
Meredith - The Einstein of darts theory.