Mr. McGee, Don't Make Me Angry

Full of Ship, a dart team / social group, searching for a way to tap into the hidden dart secrets that A-level players have. Then, an accidental overdose of gamma radiation emitted by a roomful of Sampos altered their team chemistry. And now, when Full of Ship grows angry or outraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs. The team is driven by rage, and pursued by a relentless waitress. The team is wanted for a bar tab they didn't pay. Full of Ship is believed to be in 6th place, and they must let the world think that they are in 6th place, until they can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within them. (Click to continue...)

Ship Passed Over for a Win

What rightfully should have been "The Slaughter at the Daughter" turned out to be "The Flip of The Ship," as up was down, black was white and day was night in this match. The Ship played well in practice, but couldn't close the door, and lost to a clearly inferior team. (Click to continue...)

U-P-D-A-T-E

T he night started with 3 straight wins from Holly, Rich and Jen.
H owever, we dropped the next 3 games.
E verything was tied 3-3 after S501.

S tarting Cricket, Jen / Nikki split the first 2 games.
H olly / Fred split their games, too.
I n the third game, Dave / Mindy split, as well.
P lay was tied 6-6 after the first two rounds.

(Click to continue...)

Houston, We Have A Problem

Last week, The Ship launched into the stratosphere with a season opening win. For one week, The Ship was in high-Earth orbit, circling the NYDO world and gazing down on all that it surveyed. But The Ship must have damaged some tiles on take-off, because this week we crashed back to Earth in a ball of flames. (Click to continue...)

Game On!

Three weeks ago, players reported to Full of Ship spring training camp in Plantation, FL. All reports out of camp had the squad looking solid in its workouts, training, intra-squad practices and exhibition games. With a perfect 5-0 pre-season record, The Ship struck camp and headed North for Opening Day and the start of the Spring 2003 season. (Click to continue...)

Shoot Em In The Head

Good grief, we made it to the playoffs, but we were hardly satisfied with just getting there. In its first post-season appearance, The Ship put together a strong, gutsy performance that was apropos of our season, and once again delivered a drama more compelling and gripping than anything on TV.

The night started out perfectly, according to the "Grand Master Plan". We took a chance sending Fred out first, but then again, you take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street, or sticking your face in a fan. But Fred came through by doubling out on his first shot and beating Mr. FanMan. Mindy backed up Fred's win with a win of her own, and suddenly we were sitting pretty, just 8 points from victory. Then the co-captains spoiled the GMP, as Rich got his ass handed to him by "B League" Jon, and Holly lost to Miss Random. Dave put up a big win before Nikki "83%" surprisingly lost, leaving us in a 3-3 tie after S501.

The GMP really took a beating once we got to Cricket. Despite our best efforts to get favorable match-ups, we got some tough pairings in round two. Mindy / Dave opened things up with 2 losses, narrowly dropping their second game. With the GMP rapidly unraveling, Fred / Rich played two good games, but they were not good enough to hold off their annoying opponents. Jen / Eric also played well, and were on the verge of taking their games, but ultimately rounded out the Cricket bitch slapping handed to the Ship. The sweep left The Ship with its back to the wall, down 3-9, meaning that Shoot Em needed only 1 win in D501 to win the night, and we needed a sweep to force a tie-breaker.

Shoot Em decided to throw their two best players at us in the first game, obviously thinking they would only need one game to end the night. And frankly, that made the resulting game all the more satisfying. While Jon / FanMan doubled-in first and put up a bunch of points, they stalled out when they got to double-out. Dave / Meredith stayed tough, and continued to knock down points until they reached 41. With 3 darts in her hand and Rich uncomfortably breathing down her neck, Meredith threw a 7 and a double-17, absolutely crushing Jon / FanMan and driving a wedge into the Shoot Em team. They were so enraged that their true colors emerged, as they a) refused to shake hands with Meredith, b) started ranting maniacally, and c) nearly came to tears. Riding a wave of euphoria, Rich / Holly followed this game by nearly tossing a midget and coasting to an easy win. Suddenly, the match, and the season, came down to one game. A win by The Ship would force a 1001 tie-breaker, and a win by Shoot Em would end the night. Nikki / Jen were up to the task, as they immediately followed a double-in with a double-in of their own. While the game was moderately close, Shoot Em managed to double-out first, ending a glorious season for The Ship.

In some post-match conversation, Shoot Em said that they "knew we'd get in some lucky throws" and also apologized for their dickheadian behavior. But as Tanner Boyle and Timmy Lupus said "You can take your apology and your trophy and shove it straight up your ass! And another thing, just wait 'til next year!"

BYE God, We're In the Playoffs

It was a close race to the playoffs. The Imports were ahead of us by 2 points and The Angels were only 1 point behind, but we had 9 BYE week points in our pocket. In the early game, The Huckleberries beat the Imports 11-7, putting them in a dead tie with The Ship for the last two playoff spots. But in the late game, Road Rage crushed the Angels 13-5, thus securing our first-ever spot in the playoffs. We tied The Imports 18-18 in regular-season matches, but since we both made the playoffs, there is no other tie-breaker, so we ended the season in a tie for 3rd / 4th place. Congratulations to everyone on a solid season!

Season Notes:

We beat every team in our league head-to-head except the Huckleberries. On the season, we split with The Imports, The Angels and DAMMIT. We scored 17 against Road Rage, and 11 against The Huckleberries.

We obliterated our team All-Star point total with 8,339 AS points between us.

Season-Ending Props:
Ironman: Rich (37), Meredith, Jen, Fred (32)
AS Points: Fred (1502), Rich (1452), Holly (1100)
Total Wins: Rich (18), Fred (15)
S501 Win %: Nikki (83%), Dave (67%)
Cricket Win %: Rich (50%), Holly (40%)
D501 Win %: Dave (100%), Nikki (80%)
Overall Win %: Dave (59%), Nikki (56%)

Team on The Edge of The Playoffs

Back at the site of the original midget tossing, The Ship headed into Week 13 fighting for a playoff spot. With only 4 points separating 3rd through 6th place, The Ship has a strong chance of making the playoffs, with even an outside shot at a 3rd place finish. However, with a BYE week in the last week of the season, The Ship does not control its own destiny, so it needed a strong showing in its last match.

Despite the huge group of fans that were to show up during the evening and a full roster on hand, Rich started the night out early by rolling to an easy win in front of a crowd of none. Fred and Meredith lost close matches, and despite a Ton-25, Dave nearly lost to a chucker before pulling out a win. Nikki continued her dominance with her third S501 win in a row and fifth in six games this season. Not used to playing in a new age bracket, The Birthday Girl lost the last match, and we were tied 3-3 after S501.

The steamroller that is Rich / Fred piled up 2 wins to open up the Cricket round. Mindy / Eric ran into a buzz saw in their first game, but came back to play a strong second game before losing by 1 bull. Jen / Nikki played two strong games, including 3 R5s between them, in earning a split. With another 3-3 tie, the match was even at 6-all after two rounds.

Dave / Mindy started things off in D501 with a win, completing Dave's undefeated D501 record (even though Mindy carried Dave by doubling in and out). Jen / Meredith played a great game and looked to have their match locked up before losing a double-1 contest. As always, the match came down to the final game, and The Birthday Girl stepped up to the line. The Edge doubled-in first and jumped to a 200 point lead. But Rich / Holly battled back and got down to double-out first. The Edge got stuck on 5, and refused to get an even number, leaving the door wide open for Rich / Holly. As the clock struck 12:30A, Holly blew out the candles on a long evening, nailing a double-1 and giving The Ship a 10-8 victory.

Playoff-wise, here's the deal. We are currently 3 points ahead of DAMMIT, who will get 0 points for their BYE next week, so they will finish in 6th place. With 9 BYE points next week, we will end the season with 100 points. The Imports have 82 points, and they played Road Rage this week and the Huckleberries next week. So, against the top 2 teams in the league, the Imports need to average 9 points each week in order to tie us for 4th place. If not, we make the playoffs. (FYI, in their 2 matches earlier this season, the Imports scored a total of 13 points against these teams.) If they get exactly 18 points, we head to a tie-breaker. However, in our 2 head-to-head matches this season, we won 11-7 and lost 7-11, meaning the tiebreaker is tied, and therefore we would need to play a "special match" sometime after January 7 to battle for the last playoff spot. If that match ends in a tie, then a game of 1001 is played (SI/DO) using 6 players per side (no, I'm not making this up) to determine the winner.

Props:
Holly - For giving all of us a present on her birthday.
Rich - Sweep.
Dave - An on-time arrival, yielding 2 Wins, 235 AS points, and a fight with the scorekeeper.
Nikki - There are no I's in Nikki.
Whitney, Mark, Jeff, Sam, Christine and everyone else who made the trip downtown - Thanks for comin'.

A War of Attrition

Coming into the night, The Ship had a thin 2-point hold on third place in C-2. However, the Imports were assured of 9 points this week, due to their BYE. So, The Ship needed at least 7 points in order to ensure a hold on third place.

Rich lost fairly quickly out of the gate, in a game which would prove to be the exception the rest of the night. Meredith fell behind in her game, but was able to come back, before losing a long match that came down to dueling 3s. The next game proved to be an even longer battle, as Fred and Ralph threw at double-1 about fifty times each before Fred lost. Mindy lost another long double-out battle, but this was sandwiched by steamroller wins from Nikki "The Stopper" Kent, including her first All-Star points of the season, and Jen. So in a round that should have ended with The Ship up 5-1, we ended S501 down 2-4.

In the first game of Cricket, Nikki / Jen played solidly, but they were matched up against a bull master and they lost both games. Mindy / Meredith had chances to win both of their games, but also lost in straight sets. In the last round, Rich / Fred, who have not played together for over a year, swept their two games convincingly. With 2 wins, the score was 4-8, and The Ship needed two wins in D501 to maintain a hold on third place in the league.

Fred / Mindy started out D501 strong, and looked to be rolling to a win, but we lost yet another battle for double-out. In game two, Dave doubled-in and doubled-out, carrying Rich along for the ride and the win. In the last game, Jen / Meredith jumped out to a lead, and Jen hit a bunch of triple-19s, but like the rest of the night, we lost the battle to double out. We ended the night with 6 points, dropping us out of third place by one point.

Props:
Nikki - Finally off the All-Star schneid.

Hugh DeMann

As "Nature Boy" Ric Flair used to say, "To be the man, you gotta beat the man". That means that after last night, we the man. Not only did we beat the top team in the league, but we did it in their house, in what was easily the most exciting and entertaining match of the season.

The Ship started out as strong as Tony Atlas, when Fred, Dave and Meredith reeled off 3 straight wins in the first three games of S501. Our streak was snapped when Rich was delivered a pile driver by "Triple" Tim in the fourth game. The match was really close just before it started. Then Tim got rolling with three 95s in a row before throwing a triple-20, double-7 to get out from 74. As the match ended, Rich was heard to say "Umm, game on?". When Nikki beat Drum in the last game, we finished S501 with a 4-2 lead.

Like the evil Iron Sheik, Road Rage was not going down without a fight, and they began to assert their presence with authority in Cricket. In the first game of their match, Fred / Holly were soundly crushed. But F / H came back in game 2 and built up a commanding lead. However, unable to finish out the bulls, F / H were ultimately swept. Round 2 with Meredith / Nikki didn't fare much better, and by the time Rich / Dave got to their game, The Ship was on the brink of a complete bitch slapping in Cricket. Facing "Triple" Tim proved to be an insurmountable obstacle for R / D, as he hit triple 19, 17, 16 and 15 and easily took game 1. In game 2, R / D built up a lead, piling on points to try and stave off the relentless onslaught of triples. But they were never able to completely close the door, and when the game came down to bulls, R / D were nudged out at the end. With 6 straight losses, the Ship was down 4-8 heading into D501, and looked to be trapped in a deadly figure-four leglock.

By the time D501 started, the night had the feeling of a steel-cage match. In round 1, Fred / Nikki jumped all over "Triple" Tim (who apparently can't double) and rolled to a win. In the second game, Dave / Holly looked to be on the verge of tossing the midget. With a healthy 400+ point lead, they were cruising to an easy win, but they hit a snag. As Road Rage slowly crawled back into the game, Dave / Holly tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to double out. Even a reward from Meredith of naked lesbian action didn't seem to have any effect (although it did make Carl pretty shaky). When Holly finally hit the double-1 to end it, the match was amazingly tied, and it all came down to one last game. The last match of the night was a straight-up brawl, with both teams getting in right away. Meredith nailed two 88s to move things along, and then brought the Ship to the verge of victory. With the game on the line, Meredith stepped up to the line and threw a high, arcing dart that was reminiscent of "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka leaping from the top turnbuckle. Just like Superfly would come crashing down to smother his opponents, Meredith's dart smacked into the double-3 to deliver the final, crushing, knockout blow to Road Rage. The ref slammed his fist into the mat for the 3-count, and The Ship walked away with a sweep of D501 and 10-8 win for the night.

For the record, we have now beaten outright the #1 and #3 teams in the league, and next week we play the #2 team. Let's get ready to rumble.

Props:
Meredith - For great darts and permanently distracting Carl.
Nikki - For continuing to prove that All-Star points are meaningless.
Dave - Undefeated in D501. I'm giving you a raise.

Not In Our House

Week 3 was one of the darkest moments in Ship history, but this week the Angels had to come uptown, face the music (e.g. Freedom '90), and play in our house. It was another close match, but this time we sent them home without a picture for their scrapbook. Rich got his revenge early by steamrolling in the opening game, doubling-out while his opponent still had about 200 points on the board. While Fred had a rare loss, Holly and Mindy also posted wins, giving us a 3-3 tie in S501.

In the first game of Cricket, Holly and Nikki squared off against the dart bitch, and pulled off a sweep, meaning that all future cricket sweeps will now be known as "Slapping the Bitch". Unfortunately, Rich / Meredith followed up this stellar performance by receiving a bitch slapping of their own. With a split by Mindy / Fred, the match, like the final game of the 1952 Indiana State Championship game between Hickory and South Bend, was tied coming down to the wire.

But like Jimmy Chitwood telling Coach Dale "I'll make it," Holly called for the ball in D501. Undefeated in the first two rounds, she refused to watch from the bench. With ice water in her veins, she stepped up and nailed the jump shot by winning the first game and completing her undefeated night. In game 2, Meredith and Jen had the honor of facing the bitch. In a display more irritating than her week 3 performance, the bitch "doubled-in" during practice and claimed the game had started. Too bad it wasn't her turn, so Meredith was forced to once again put the bitch in her place. M / J ended up losing a close game, and just like in week 3, it all came down to the final pairing. In week 3 we dropped the final game to lose the night, but this time we ran the picket fence at 'em, as Mindy / Fred stepped up to the line and said "Not In My House". When Mindy doubled-out, the final score was 10-8, and we got our satisfaction.

Nine players in the bar functioning as one single unit ... team, team, team ... no one more important than the other. I love you guys.

Props:
Holly - 220 AS points and a sweep.
Nikki - 3 wins (a mini-sweep), and quietly leading the team in Win %.
Fred - 338 AS points.
Mindy - 3 wins, and the match-winning shot.
The Sports Guy - Read this column to see why.

1 Arm, Four Feet

No match, as A&M Guys & Dolls dropped out of the league.

DUDE!

As the second half of the season kicks off, The Ship is on full-steam ahead and looking for revenge. The first stop was to turn around the sluggishWeek 1 upset to the Imports. Things started off slowly, with three straight losses, until Fred stepped up to the line. Fred, who has won 13 of his last 18 and 19 of his last 27 S501 matches (over the last 2+ seasons) continued his complete dominance and posted another win. The Ship was granted another win due to forfeit, and we sailed into Cricket. Dude, where's my car? Where's your car, dude?

And then, Dave / Mindy got creamed in their first Cricket game, and then they came back strong and secured a split. And then, Rich / Meredith played two-on-one and they cruised to two wins, although they played well enough to beat any two players. And then, Eric / Jen ran into a buzz saw in the last round of Cricket. And then the match was 5-7, going into D501. And then, NO MORE AND THEN!

In D501, things really got interesting. Eric started things off with a double-19, triple-20 on, and he and Mindy cruised from there, as they ended up winning the game by over 250 points. Sweet! For the second game, Rich managed to "screw up" the pairings to get his second two-on-one match of the night. (Apparently he was unable to finagle the lineup to get a game against Mindy). Even with a huge advantage, Dave / Rich came dangerously close to being tossed by 1 guy. Down by over 250 points, they finally got into the came and came back to win, narrowly saving their collective dignity. In the last game, Fred / Jen threw huge darts, sometimes too huge. With 102 on the board, Jen threw a big, yet unfortunate 99. With a dreaded 3 on the board, Jen stepped up on her next turn and nailed a double 1. DUDE, too early. On the very next turn, Fred stepped up and threw a double 1. DUDE! Luckily, they didn't waste all their double ones, and when they closed it out, the Ship had a sweep of D501 and an 11-7 win for the night. Shibby.

The match was exciting, but it was nearly topped by the post-game playing. Nikki stopped by and she joined with fellow hot-chick Jen to take Dave and Rich to school. Jen / Nikki were completely on fire. They were so completely dominant that they won every game, and even invented new games to win. At the end of the night, the other Ship team was starting a game of "legs," and Rich ponied up $5 to buy in. With a huge pile of luck and some timely darts, he walked away with $30 and a lifetime supply of pudding.

Props:
Fred - For extending a very impressive streak, and Tuesday afternoon recaps.

BYE, BYE Baby

Click here for blank puzzle	Click here for the solution
Across	Down
2. Lou Gehrig Inspired Award 3. The Tallest Shipmate 4. Dartkata Founder 6. :23 Song 10. The girl who doesn't wear pants 13. 1/2 of what it's all about 15. 100 17. Peek Freen 18. He cried 19. 26 21. Feathers 23. A dart in a dart 25. _____ Duffy's 27. The Forbidden Dance 28. Everyone's favorite list 29. A tasty English crumpet 31. The Big Ho 32. ___ Atta Levin 33. A bunch of 1's	1. It can be tossed 4. Jen's Idol 5. "Thanks for comin''" sayer 7. FOS Farm Team City 8. Off the _____ 9. The Skating ______ 11. Rookie 12. The most you can score with one dart 13. Same Old ____ 14. The Second Round 16. The Youngest Shipmate 20. _____ Artois 22. What Gwen is 24. They're away 26. 1/2 of what it's all about 30. SOF TV Manufacturer

Dammit, Janet

Hey Shipmates, I've got something to say. I really loved the skilful way You throw darts every Tuesday. But listen closely, not for very much longer, I've got to keep control. At a deadly pace it came from outer space, and this is how the message ran:

The night seemed bright when we began it, dammit. Rich got off the S501 schneid with his first win of the season. Facing a good opponent, Rich managed to throw a Ton-40 even though he didn't plan it, dammit, which not only allowed him to win, but also seemed to mellow him out for the rest of the evening, much like a dart enema. Meredith "2-Dart" Kline won her game, playing like a visitor from another planet, dammit. Eric scored his first Ship win by nailing a double 1, and we had a tie game after S501, and that's just one small fraction of the main attraction.

Jen Cen / Big HO lost their first game of Cricket, but, if anyone was determined to win then they am it, dammit. Paced by Holly's R6 to start things off, they came roaring back in the second game for an easy win. In round two, Nikkilicious / E-Rock played two riveting games, coming back to win after being down by seven bulls in the first, and nearly coming back from five bulls down in the second. When DAMMIT! screwed up and threw out of order, Fred cited the rules, laid down the law and told them to can it, dammit. Fred / Mindy then split their games, giving us a Cricket split for only the second time this season and sending The Ship into D501 tied, dammit.

The match was long but we ran it, dammit. Fred / Mindy started off with a rare loss, but babies, don't you panic. The hot patootie team of Jen / Meredith played like super heroes and posted a solid win. The Ship needed a win in the final match to win the night. So what happened? I see you shiver with antici... pation! But in the final match, Rich / Nikki lost, making the final score 8-10. Just remember, don't dream it, be it.

Next week is a BYE, so enjoy the week off. Reservations for the AC trip are being handled by Fred and Holly.

Props:
Meredith - 100% Win Percentage, 100% Party Percentage.
Jen - She really loves that rock n' roll.