Dammit, Janet

Hey Shipmates, I've got something to say. I really loved the skilful way You throw darts every Tuesday. But listen closely, not for very much longer, I've got to keep control. At a deadly pace it came from outer space, and this is how the message ran:

The night seemed bright when we began it, dammit. Rich got off the S501 schneid with his first win of the season. Facing a good opponent, Rich managed to throw a Ton-40 even though he didn't plan it, dammit, which not only allowed him to win, but also seemed to mellow him out for the rest of the evening, much like a dart enema. Meredith "2-Dart" Kline won her game, playing like a visitor from another planet, dammit. Eric scored his first Ship win by nailing a double 1, and we had a tie game after S501, and that's just one small fraction of the main attraction.

Jen Cen / Big HO lost their first game of Cricket, but, if anyone was determined to win then they am it, dammit. Paced by Holly's R6 to start things off, they came roaring back in the second game for an easy win. In round two, Nikkilicious / E-Rock played two riveting games, coming back to win after being down by seven bulls in the first, and nearly coming back from five bulls down in the second. When DAMMIT! screwed up and threw out of order, Fred cited the rules, laid down the law and told them to can it, dammit. Fred / Mindy then split their games, giving us a Cricket split for only the second time this season and sending The Ship into D501 tied, dammit.

The match was long but we ran it, dammit. Fred / Mindy started off with a rare loss, but babies, don't you panic. The hot patootie team of Jen / Meredith played like super heroes and posted a solid win. The Ship needed a win in the final match to win the night. So what happened? I see you shiver with antici... pation! But in the final match, Rich / Nikki lost, making the final score 8-10. Just remember, don't dream it, be it.

Next week is a BYE, so enjoy the week off. Reservations for the AC trip are being handled by Fred and Holly.

Props:
Meredith - 100% Win Percentage, 100% Party Percentage.
Jen - She really loves that rock n' roll.

Ship Gets C-Sick

The Indigents changed their name to the Huckleberries, and On The C Bar got a fresh make-over, but nothing will change the fact that, ironically, The Ship hates The C. Maybe it's the jet-lag, maybe it's the lighting, maybe it's the bohemian neighborhood, but just like last season, something about traveling to Avenue C does not sit will with the squad.

The night started out with Fred in his new role as leadoff-hitter. Without any warm-up to waste his good darts, he posted a win. Meredith hiked up her skirt and got our other win, but Mindy, Rich, Eric and Jen lost, leaving us down 4-2 after S501.

With intense managerial planning and precise team pairing, we were able to improve our Cricket results infinitely over last week. Instead of going 0 for 6, we managed to go 1 for 6. The newly formed squads of Fred / Eric and Mindy / Holly both dropped two games. Rich / Jen won their first game and took a commanding lead in game 2, but they were unable to close out bull which resulted in a devastating loss. As has become common, The Ship ended Cricket down 9-3 and needing a sweep in D501 to salvage a tie.

The D501 round had enough ups and downs to cause a serious case of C-Sickness. Fred / Mindy started things out by looking as though they were going to toss the midget. But their 250+ point lead slowly started to disappear, as the Huckleberries threw a Ton and then a Ton-40 (while on the phone) to get all the way back in the game. Narrowly avoiding disaster, Mindy doubled out and The Ship took game 1. In game 2, neither team wanted to double-in and get things started. While the Huckleberries eventually got off to a big lead, Meredith / Jen battled all the way back and fought a war of attrition on double-out. The Huckleberries were stuck on a "5" out, and Jen had a bunch of near misses, but the Huckleberries finally managed to win the grueling contest. As though the Meredith / Jen game was not enough torture, one of the Huckleberries speared Holly with a dart before the final game. With a tourniquet around her arm and her hand wrapped in a crudely fashioned field dressing, Holly soldiered on to play the final game. Again, The Ship found itself down by 250 points, but Holly / Rich came back and had a few shots at doubling out before the Huckleberries took the game.

The final tally for the night was: a 5-13 loss, 1 flesh wound, and a combined $183 in cab / travel costs. At least we got some pizza out of the deal.

Props:
Eric - For a true Ship performance in his first outing, posting a Ton-19 in a loss.
Fred - Table-setter, DJ, and erotic dancing cheerleader.
Meredith - The girl who doesn't wear pants.

Cookies and Muffins

With a plate full of cookies and a cheering section full of muffins, The Ship returned home for a match against the other A&M team. Although they were late, at least this squad decided to show up. Things started off strong, as Fred and Mindy returned to action, with Mindy winning and Fred getting off the season-long schneid with his S501 win. In the last game, Dave answered the call to action with a big come-from-behind win, and we had a 3-3 match after S501.

And then came Cricket. Our play was not sharp, and Road Rage posted a total of seven R5s and one C3 across the six games, which proved too much to overcome, as The Ship ended up dropping all 6 Cricket games. There is one word that sums up the problem with Dave / Rich's opening round Cricket match, and that word is "strategery". After taking an early lead in game 1, they failed to put up any points, and allowed the Road Rage to come back and steal the game. In game 2, they fell behind and couldn't manage a come back. Meredith / Jen and Fred / Mindy fared no better, as they each dropped 2 games, as well. Luckily, Fred snuck in a C4 and a R5 before the games ended, to pad his ASS (All-Star Stats).

After the humbling sweep in Cricket, The Ship needed a sweep in D501 to salvage a tie for the night. In game 1, Fred / Mindy broke out to a 200+ point lead, and looked to be on their way to a midget tossing. But Road Rage came all the way back, before Mindy finally hit a double 1 for the win. Jen / Meredith played their usual feisty game, but lost in a close match. Rich / Nikki stepped up for the final match, and doubled-in on their first dart. After a workman-like effort to get the score down, they doubled-out on their first dart to seal the final game.

With 4 points in D501, we ended the night with a 7-11 loss. Next week we face the Huckleberries, in what might be a battle for 3rd place. Holy Cow!

Props:
Whitney - For supplying the cookies.
Dave / Nikki - For picking up the slack.

Worst Episode Ever

Rarely has a team raised the ire of The Ship as The Angels managed to this week. In an ironic parallel to the recent Yankees series against The "Baseball" Angels, The Ship played neck-in-neck with The "Dart" Angels all night, only to lose in a shocking upset, 8-10.

The Angels began their rankling early in the day, when the bartender told us to "show up early, and we can get started." Apparently this was a joke, since the boards were crowded when we got there, and the match started a whole 5 minutes early. Once things got underway, we played to a 3-3 tie with 6 tight games in S501.

The night started to get interesting during Cricket, where all 3 matches ended in splits. Nikki / Jen played two close games, the first of which they nearly out-bulled their opponents and almost got the win. In game 2, N / J pulled out to a big lead, and gave themselves some room with points. Apparently this offended the delicate flower on the other team, who later picked a fight with Nikki and said "Where I come from, you don't go for points when you're ahead." This girl was subsequently invited to our next match by Nikki, who told her she'd "see you next Tuesday". Later, while Dave / Meredith were playing, another one of the Angels offered a bizarre compliment, when he said "We almost don't want to beat you guys, we're having so much fun." At that point, we made a team decision to screw the match, and just hit their players with darts.

Tied 6-6 going into D501, we needed 2 of 3 to win the night and put the Angels in their place. Dave / Nikki did their part with a win in Game 1. Holly / Meredith lost a very close game, and in the last game, Rich / Jen lost despite doubling in right away. The final indignity came after they won the last match, and celebrated like they had won the World Series. They jumped up and down, cheered and broke out bottles of champagne. Then, they took pictures of the dartboard with their double-out in the board, the scoreboard, each other, and even tried to take a picture of Rich. Those not there to witness the outburst should be thankful, as an uglier scene can not be imagined.

Needless to say, Week 10 should be circled on all Ship Mates' calendars, as the date we get payback.

Props:
Nikki - Monster night, plus a TKO in the catfight
Jen - For sharing the love in a night full of hate.

Fore-Phat

OK Pyramid fans: A bride left at the altar...a comedian...a happy audience... Full of Ship.

And the answer is "Things that are stood up". Yup, for the first time in team history, we recorded a forfeit win. At 7:50P, the Guys & Dolls had only 2 people at the bar, and they were standing conveniently out in the street, instead of letting us know what was going on. After giving them another 1/2 hour, they finally told us they weren't going to have enough people, so they fore-foot. Apparently their problem is that their bar is all the way downtown (waah!) so they couldn't get to the Ship. Fortunately, all FOS members have completed their mandatory NYC subway instruction, and know how to get to the away matches (which are ALL downtown).

For the record, The Ship will get 10 points this week (they will get 0) and after week 5, everyone that was at the match will be credited with their average weekly AS points.

Not wanting to waste the boards, we played a few games of doubles and Fred / Mindy romped.

Props:
The Dart Tarts - Just because
Bernie Williams / Jason Giambi - So clutch