Hello readers, welcome to the update. By my count, this is the 192nd darts update I've written. Nearly two hundred updates covering 14-plus seasons. Over one hundred and ninety different ways to describe what is essentially the same sequence of events each week. Don't get me wrong, this is not a complaint. In fact, I enjoy the doing write-ups, both the challenge and the fun of highlighting each week's get together. But maybe it's that it has been nearly nine years since we started, or maybe it's because I just had a high school reunion and I'm getting a little nostalgic, but suddenly I'm reflecting on the process of writing these weekly ditties.
They mostly start the same, hopefully with a jaunty little theme. Maybe some sort of riff on pop culture (and more recently a funny little picture right up there in the upper right-hand corner, just like a real newspaper), maybe a reference to a particularly funny part of the night, or maybe just some random connective tissue I have selected to bring the season together. We've reminisced about one hit wonders and enjoyed Oscar-winning movies. We've toured countries of the world and explored the music of the Beatles. Pictures, poems, limericks, and even the occasional anagram have been used to set the stage. As an example, this week I may have latched on to the ALCS game that was played last night between Boston and Tampa Bay as a suitable theme. If so, this section might perhaps tie our team's match (NB: while formally named Full of Ship, the team is most often referred to by the colloquial reference "The Ship") to the futility shown by Tim Wakefield and the Boston Red Sox in this game, such as "The Ship brought out a squad of wily veterans this night, looking to recapture some past glory, and teach a lesson to their upstart opponents."
After the pithy (snarky?) little intro, we then head into the description of the match itself, starting with Singles 501. S501 is always a fun section to write, because I get to use a lot of heavy-handed references to the aforementioned theme. I throw in a bunch of puns, hopefully a few hyperlinks to some hilarious and random internet content, and off we go. Plus, I love this section because I get to highlight the great games that we play individually. I know it's a team sport, but somehow the singles event seems to turn out the wild games, or ridiculously crazy throws or other unbelievable plays each week. Of course, sometimes nothing happens in S501. To continue on with our hypothetical example, this week's description might have read
"Unfortunately, in S501, The Ship was slapped around like Wakefield's knuckler, as our opponents slapped two grand slams and left us on the short end of an 8-0 score after one round." Next comes the always unheralded Cricket section. It is the poor second act of the write-up. The "middle child," if you will. The often overlooked Jan to the recap's Brady Bunch. By the time it arrives, all the good jokes have been taken by the S501 section. It doesn't have the resolution or dénouement of the D501 section. Plus, let's be honest, we kinda suck at Cricket, so it usually entails a lot of coverage of us losing, which is not that fun to write about. But I gamely give Cricket its due, and try not to mail it in too much, to get out the good things we deliver. So this week, it may have read:
"Like Big Papi miraculously delivering a triple with the Red Sox hopelessly behind, Dave / Rich managed to pull one win out of the Cricket hat, to pull The Ship within twelve points after two rounds."And finally we come to Doubles 501, which is invariably the most exciting part of the night. In the past, the games were worth two points, which really upped the excitement, because it usually meant that the winner of this round would win the night. Of course, it is the round that gave us the midget toss, so it will always hold a special place in my heart. But inherently it is thrilling because its got that awesome rhythm of double-in / double-out, where anything can happen (and often does). I always like to try and build up the tension in this part, creating a mystery around how the match turned out. And there is almost always some turn of events that tips the night one way or the other, which I get to wrap back to the theme to round out the update. And really, on the rare times they happen, there is nothing more satisfying than a smooth finish to the recap. To finish our example for the week, it may have ended like this:
"The Ship picked up one more win from Rich / Dave in D501, but like the Red Sox they were unable to make the final score respectable, finishing with a 16-2 loss." And that's it, really. I've never officially counted, but they probably average about 350 words a week. If I was really good, I might even be able to tell the full story in just three or four sentences. (as Blaise Pascal said, "
I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter.") As daunting as it seems each week, it's never as painful as I build it up to be. Somehow, there is always another way to tell the story, another phrase to turn, another participle to dangle. I almost always make the "deadline" for publication (i.e. the day before the next week's match). Have I repeated myself? Probably. Do I contradict myself? Yes (
I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Oh yeah, there is one other piece to the update. Probably the most anticipated, most discussed, and easily the most lobbied for section - the Props. I'm not even sure what precipitated the creation of Props and the need to call out a weekly winner (as I said, it's a team game), but I think it's fair to say that the recap would have been dead long ago without this little gem. It is The Simpsons to the recap's Tracey Ullman Show, if you will, probably deserving of its own spin-off which would likely outlast its predecessor in fortune and glory. I probably take a perverse pleasure in handing out props, but always with an eye to spreading the wealth while acknowledging all manner of great performances. There is almost always something to celebrate, a random dart, a dominant performance, an upset win, and countless random acts. Of course, some nights I can be strapped and go completely off the board, and this week would probably have been one of those where I awarded:
"Props - Carl Crawford / Willy Aybar, for knocking the Red Sox to the brink of elimination."
For anyone that made it this far, thanks for indulging me. Now, and 191 other times.
| Player | Points | Notes |
| Rich | 20 | 0 points in S501, 20 points in Cricket*, 15 points in D501 |
| Dave | 12 | 12 points in S501*, 4 points in Cricket, 6 points in D501 |
| * High Throw in Round |
So Ship, you play darts every week, and you're surprised you end up in seedy, sketchy bars? Really??!? That's like stopping off at a crack house and being surprised it's in a bad neighborhood. Really.
