Team on The Edge of The Playoffs

Back at the site of the original midget tossing, The Ship headed into Week 13 fighting for a playoff spot. With only 4 points separating 3rd through 6th place, The Ship has a strong chance of making the playoffs, with even an outside shot at a 3rd place finish. However, with a BYE week in the last week of the season, The Ship does not control its own destiny, so it needed a strong showing in its last match.

Despite the huge group of fans that were to show up during the evening and a full roster on hand, Rich started the night out early by rolling to an easy win in front of a crowd of none. Fred and Meredith lost close matches, and despite a Ton-25, Dave nearly lost to a chucker before pulling out a win. Nikki continued her dominance with her third S501 win in a row and fifth in six games this season. Not used to playing in a new age bracket, The Birthday Girl lost the last match, and we were tied 3-3 after S501.

The steamroller that is Rich / Fred piled up 2 wins to open up the Cricket round. Mindy / Eric ran into a buzz saw in their first game, but came back to play a strong second game before losing by 1 bull. Jen / Nikki played two strong games, including 3 R5s between them, in earning a split. With another 3-3 tie, the match was even at 6-all after two rounds.

Dave / Mindy started things off in D501 with a win, completing Dave's undefeated D501 record (even though Mindy carried Dave by doubling in and out). Jen / Meredith played a great game and looked to have their match locked up before losing a double-1 contest. As always, the match came down to the final game, and The Birthday Girl stepped up to the line. The Edge doubled-in first and jumped to a 200 point lead. But Rich / Holly battled back and got down to double-out first. The Edge got stuck on 5, and refused to get an even number, leaving the door wide open for Rich / Holly. As the clock struck 12:30A, Holly blew out the candles on a long evening, nailing a double-1 and giving The Ship a 10-8 victory.

Playoff-wise, here's the deal. We are currently 3 points ahead of DAMMIT, who will get 0 points for their BYE next week, so they will finish in 6th place. With 9 BYE points next week, we will end the season with 100 points. The Imports have 82 points, and they played Road Rage this week and the Huckleberries next week. So, against the top 2 teams in the league, the Imports need to average 9 points each week in order to tie us for 4th place. If not, we make the playoffs. (FYI, in their 2 matches earlier this season, the Imports scored a total of 13 points against these teams.) If they get exactly 18 points, we head to a tie-breaker. However, in our 2 head-to-head matches this season, we won 11-7 and lost 7-11, meaning the tiebreaker is tied, and therefore we would need to play a "special match" sometime after January 7 to battle for the last playoff spot. If that match ends in a tie, then a game of 1001 is played (SI/DO) using 6 players per side (no, I'm not making this up) to determine the winner.

Props:
Holly - For giving all of us a present on her birthday.
Rich - Sweep.
Dave - An on-time arrival, yielding 2 Wins, 235 AS points, and a fight with the scorekeeper.
Nikki - There are no I's in Nikki.
Whitney, Mark, Jeff, Sam, Christine and everyone else who made the trip downtown - Thanks for comin'.

A War of Attrition

Coming into the night, The Ship had a thin 2-point hold on third place in C-2. However, the Imports were assured of 9 points this week, due to their BYE. So, The Ship needed at least 7 points in order to ensure a hold on third place.

Rich lost fairly quickly out of the gate, in a game which would prove to be the exception the rest of the night. Meredith fell behind in her game, but was able to come back, before losing a long match that came down to dueling 3s. The next game proved to be an even longer battle, as Fred and Ralph threw at double-1 about fifty times each before Fred lost. Mindy lost another long double-out battle, but this was sandwiched by steamroller wins from Nikki "The Stopper" Kent, including her first All-Star points of the season, and Jen. So in a round that should have ended with The Ship up 5-1, we ended S501 down 2-4.

In the first game of Cricket, Nikki / Jen played solidly, but they were matched up against a bull master and they lost both games. Mindy / Meredith had chances to win both of their games, but also lost in straight sets. In the last round, Rich / Fred, who have not played together for over a year, swept their two games convincingly. With 2 wins, the score was 4-8, and The Ship needed two wins in D501 to maintain a hold on third place in the league.

Fred / Mindy started out D501 strong, and looked to be rolling to a win, but we lost yet another battle for double-out. In game two, Dave doubled-in and doubled-out, carrying Rich along for the ride and the win. In the last game, Jen / Meredith jumped out to a lead, and Jen hit a bunch of triple-19s, but like the rest of the night, we lost the battle to double out. We ended the night with 6 points, dropping us out of third place by one point.

Props:
Nikki - Finally off the All-Star schneid.

Hugh DeMann

As "Nature Boy" Ric Flair used to say, "To be the man, you gotta beat the man". That means that after last night, we the man. Not only did we beat the top team in the league, but we did it in their house, in what was easily the most exciting and entertaining match of the season.

The Ship started out as strong as Tony Atlas, when Fred, Dave and Meredith reeled off 3 straight wins in the first three games of S501. Our streak was snapped when Rich was delivered a pile driver by "Triple" Tim in the fourth game. The match was really close just before it started. Then Tim got rolling with three 95s in a row before throwing a triple-20, double-7 to get out from 74. As the match ended, Rich was heard to say "Umm, game on?". When Nikki beat Drum in the last game, we finished S501 with a 4-2 lead.

Like the evil Iron Sheik, Road Rage was not going down without a fight, and they began to assert their presence with authority in Cricket. In the first game of their match, Fred / Holly were soundly crushed. But F / H came back in game 2 and built up a commanding lead. However, unable to finish out the bulls, F / H were ultimately swept. Round 2 with Meredith / Nikki didn't fare much better, and by the time Rich / Dave got to their game, The Ship was on the brink of a complete bitch slapping in Cricket. Facing "Triple" Tim proved to be an insurmountable obstacle for R / D, as he hit triple 19, 17, 16 and 15 and easily took game 1. In game 2, R / D built up a lead, piling on points to try and stave off the relentless onslaught of triples. But they were never able to completely close the door, and when the game came down to bulls, R / D were nudged out at the end. With 6 straight losses, the Ship was down 4-8 heading into D501, and looked to be trapped in a deadly figure-four leglock.

By the time D501 started, the night had the feeling of a steel-cage match. In round 1, Fred / Nikki jumped all over "Triple" Tim (who apparently can't double) and rolled to a win. In the second game, Dave / Holly looked to be on the verge of tossing the midget. With a healthy 400+ point lead, they were cruising to an easy win, but they hit a snag. As Road Rage slowly crawled back into the game, Dave / Holly tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to double out. Even a reward from Meredith of naked lesbian action didn't seem to have any effect (although it did make Carl pretty shaky). When Holly finally hit the double-1 to end it, the match was amazingly tied, and it all came down to one last game. The last match of the night was a straight-up brawl, with both teams getting in right away. Meredith nailed two 88s to move things along, and then brought the Ship to the verge of victory. With the game on the line, Meredith stepped up to the line and threw a high, arcing dart that was reminiscent of "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka leaping from the top turnbuckle. Just like Superfly would come crashing down to smother his opponents, Meredith's dart smacked into the double-3 to deliver the final, crushing, knockout blow to Road Rage. The ref slammed his fist into the mat for the 3-count, and The Ship walked away with a sweep of D501 and 10-8 win for the night.

For the record, we have now beaten outright the #1 and #3 teams in the league, and next week we play the #2 team. Let's get ready to rumble.

Props:
Meredith - For great darts and permanently distracting Carl.
Nikki - For continuing to prove that All-Star points are meaningless.
Dave - Undefeated in D501. I'm giving you a raise.

Not In Our House

Week 3 was one of the darkest moments in Ship history, but this week the Angels had to come uptown, face the music (e.g. Freedom '90), and play in our house. It was another close match, but this time we sent them home without a picture for their scrapbook. Rich got his revenge early by steamrolling in the opening game, doubling-out while his opponent still had about 200 points on the board. While Fred had a rare loss, Holly and Mindy also posted wins, giving us a 3-3 tie in S501.

In the first game of Cricket, Holly and Nikki squared off against the dart bitch, and pulled off a sweep, meaning that all future cricket sweeps will now be known as "Slapping the Bitch". Unfortunately, Rich / Meredith followed up this stellar performance by receiving a bitch slapping of their own. With a split by Mindy / Fred, the match, like the final game of the 1952 Indiana State Championship game between Hickory and South Bend, was tied coming down to the wire.

But like Jimmy Chitwood telling Coach Dale "I'll make it," Holly called for the ball in D501. Undefeated in the first two rounds, she refused to watch from the bench. With ice water in her veins, she stepped up and nailed the jump shot by winning the first game and completing her undefeated night. In game 2, Meredith and Jen had the honor of facing the bitch. In a display more irritating than her week 3 performance, the bitch "doubled-in" during practice and claimed the game had started. Too bad it wasn't her turn, so Meredith was forced to once again put the bitch in her place. M / J ended up losing a close game, and just like in week 3, it all came down to the final pairing. In week 3 we dropped the final game to lose the night, but this time we ran the picket fence at 'em, as Mindy / Fred stepped up to the line and said "Not In My House". When Mindy doubled-out, the final score was 10-8, and we got our satisfaction.

Nine players in the bar functioning as one single unit ... team, team, team ... no one more important than the other. I love you guys.

Props:
Holly - 220 AS points and a sweep.
Nikki - 3 wins (a mini-sweep), and quietly leading the team in Win %.
Fred - 338 AS points.
Mindy - 3 wins, and the match-winning shot.
The Sports Guy - Read this column to see why.

1 Arm, Four Feet

No match, as A&M Guys & Dolls dropped out of the league.

DUDE!

As the second half of the season kicks off, The Ship is on full-steam ahead and looking for revenge. The first stop was to turn around the sluggishWeek 1 upset to the Imports. Things started off slowly, with three straight losses, until Fred stepped up to the line. Fred, who has won 13 of his last 18 and 19 of his last 27 S501 matches (over the last 2+ seasons) continued his complete dominance and posted another win. The Ship was granted another win due to forfeit, and we sailed into Cricket. Dude, where's my car? Where's your car, dude?

And then, Dave / Mindy got creamed in their first Cricket game, and then they came back strong and secured a split. And then, Rich / Meredith played two-on-one and they cruised to two wins, although they played well enough to beat any two players. And then, Eric / Jen ran into a buzz saw in the last round of Cricket. And then the match was 5-7, going into D501. And then, NO MORE AND THEN!

In D501, things really got interesting. Eric started things off with a double-19, triple-20 on, and he and Mindy cruised from there, as they ended up winning the game by over 250 points. Sweet! For the second game, Rich managed to "screw up" the pairings to get his second two-on-one match of the night. (Apparently he was unable to finagle the lineup to get a game against Mindy). Even with a huge advantage, Dave / Rich came dangerously close to being tossed by 1 guy. Down by over 250 points, they finally got into the came and came back to win, narrowly saving their collective dignity. In the last game, Fred / Jen threw huge darts, sometimes too huge. With 102 on the board, Jen threw a big, yet unfortunate 99. With a dreaded 3 on the board, Jen stepped up on her next turn and nailed a double 1. DUDE, too early. On the very next turn, Fred stepped up and threw a double 1. DUDE! Luckily, they didn't waste all their double ones, and when they closed it out, the Ship had a sweep of D501 and an 11-7 win for the night. Shibby.

The match was exciting, but it was nearly topped by the post-game playing. Nikki stopped by and she joined with fellow hot-chick Jen to take Dave and Rich to school. Jen / Nikki were completely on fire. They were so completely dominant that they won every game, and even invented new games to win. At the end of the night, the other Ship team was starting a game of "legs," and Rich ponied up $5 to buy in. With a huge pile of luck and some timely darts, he walked away with $30 and a lifetime supply of pudding.

Props:
Fred - For extending a very impressive streak, and Tuesday afternoon recaps.

BYE, BYE Baby

Click here for blank puzzle	Click here for the solution
Across	Down
2. Lou Gehrig Inspired Award 3. The Tallest Shipmate 4. Dartkata Founder 6. :23 Song 10. The girl who doesn't wear pants 13. 1/2 of what it's all about 15. 100 17. Peek Freen 18. He cried 19. 26 21. Feathers 23. A dart in a dart 25. _____ Duffy's 27. The Forbidden Dance 28. Everyone's favorite list 29. A tasty English crumpet 31. The Big Ho 32. ___ Atta Levin 33. A bunch of 1's	1. It can be tossed 4. Jen's Idol 5. "Thanks for comin''" sayer 7. FOS Farm Team City 8. Off the _____ 9. The Skating ______ 11. Rookie 12. The most you can score with one dart 13. Same Old ____ 14. The Second Round 16. The Youngest Shipmate 20. _____ Artois 22. What Gwen is 24. They're away 26. 1/2 of what it's all about 30. SOF TV Manufacturer

Dammit, Janet

Hey Shipmates, I've got something to say. I really loved the skilful way You throw darts every Tuesday. But listen closely, not for very much longer, I've got to keep control. At a deadly pace it came from outer space, and this is how the message ran:

The night seemed bright when we began it, dammit. Rich got off the S501 schneid with his first win of the season. Facing a good opponent, Rich managed to throw a Ton-40 even though he didn't plan it, dammit, which not only allowed him to win, but also seemed to mellow him out for the rest of the evening, much like a dart enema. Meredith "2-Dart" Kline won her game, playing like a visitor from another planet, dammit. Eric scored his first Ship win by nailing a double 1, and we had a tie game after S501, and that's just one small fraction of the main attraction.

Jen Cen / Big HO lost their first game of Cricket, but, if anyone was determined to win then they am it, dammit. Paced by Holly's R6 to start things off, they came roaring back in the second game for an easy win. In round two, Nikkilicious / E-Rock played two riveting games, coming back to win after being down by seven bulls in the first, and nearly coming back from five bulls down in the second. When DAMMIT! screwed up and threw out of order, Fred cited the rules, laid down the law and told them to can it, dammit. Fred / Mindy then split their games, giving us a Cricket split for only the second time this season and sending The Ship into D501 tied, dammit.

The match was long but we ran it, dammit. Fred / Mindy started off with a rare loss, but babies, don't you panic. The hot patootie team of Jen / Meredith played like super heroes and posted a solid win. The Ship needed a win in the final match to win the night. So what happened? I see you shiver with antici... pation! But in the final match, Rich / Nikki lost, making the final score 8-10. Just remember, don't dream it, be it.

Next week is a BYE, so enjoy the week off. Reservations for the AC trip are being handled by Fred and Holly.

Props:
Meredith - 100% Win Percentage, 100% Party Percentage.
Jen - She really loves that rock n' roll.

Ship Gets C-Sick

The Indigents changed their name to the Huckleberries, and On The C Bar got a fresh make-over, but nothing will change the fact that, ironically, The Ship hates The C. Maybe it's the jet-lag, maybe it's the lighting, maybe it's the bohemian neighborhood, but just like last season, something about traveling to Avenue C does not sit will with the squad.

The night started out with Fred in his new role as leadoff-hitter. Without any warm-up to waste his good darts, he posted a win. Meredith hiked up her skirt and got our other win, but Mindy, Rich, Eric and Jen lost, leaving us down 4-2 after S501.

With intense managerial planning and precise team pairing, we were able to improve our Cricket results infinitely over last week. Instead of going 0 for 6, we managed to go 1 for 6. The newly formed squads of Fred / Eric and Mindy / Holly both dropped two games. Rich / Jen won their first game and took a commanding lead in game 2, but they were unable to close out bull which resulted in a devastating loss. As has become common, The Ship ended Cricket down 9-3 and needing a sweep in D501 to salvage a tie.

The D501 round had enough ups and downs to cause a serious case of C-Sickness. Fred / Mindy started things out by looking as though they were going to toss the midget. But their 250+ point lead slowly started to disappear, as the Huckleberries threw a Ton and then a Ton-40 (while on the phone) to get all the way back in the game. Narrowly avoiding disaster, Mindy doubled out and The Ship took game 1. In game 2, neither team wanted to double-in and get things started. While the Huckleberries eventually got off to a big lead, Meredith / Jen battled all the way back and fought a war of attrition on double-out. The Huckleberries were stuck on a "5" out, and Jen had a bunch of near misses, but the Huckleberries finally managed to win the grueling contest. As though the Meredith / Jen game was not enough torture, one of the Huckleberries speared Holly with a dart before the final game. With a tourniquet around her arm and her hand wrapped in a crudely fashioned field dressing, Holly soldiered on to play the final game. Again, The Ship found itself down by 250 points, but Holly / Rich came back and had a few shots at doubling out before the Huckleberries took the game.

The final tally for the night was: a 5-13 loss, 1 flesh wound, and a combined $183 in cab / travel costs. At least we got some pizza out of the deal.

Props:
Eric - For a true Ship performance in his first outing, posting a Ton-19 in a loss.
Fred - Table-setter, DJ, and erotic dancing cheerleader.
Meredith - The girl who doesn't wear pants.

Cookies and Muffins

With a plate full of cookies and a cheering section full of muffins, The Ship returned home for a match against the other A&M team. Although they were late, at least this squad decided to show up. Things started off strong, as Fred and Mindy returned to action, with Mindy winning and Fred getting off the season-long schneid with his S501 win. In the last game, Dave answered the call to action with a big come-from-behind win, and we had a 3-3 match after S501.

And then came Cricket. Our play was not sharp, and Road Rage posted a total of seven R5s and one C3 across the six games, which proved too much to overcome, as The Ship ended up dropping all 6 Cricket games. There is one word that sums up the problem with Dave / Rich's opening round Cricket match, and that word is "strategery". After taking an early lead in game 1, they failed to put up any points, and allowed the Road Rage to come back and steal the game. In game 2, they fell behind and couldn't manage a come back. Meredith / Jen and Fred / Mindy fared no better, as they each dropped 2 games, as well. Luckily, Fred snuck in a C4 and a R5 before the games ended, to pad his ASS (All-Star Stats).

After the humbling sweep in Cricket, The Ship needed a sweep in D501 to salvage a tie for the night. In game 1, Fred / Mindy broke out to a 200+ point lead, and looked to be on their way to a midget tossing. But Road Rage came all the way back, before Mindy finally hit a double 1 for the win. Jen / Meredith played their usual feisty game, but lost in a close match. Rich / Nikki stepped up for the final match, and doubled-in on their first dart. After a workman-like effort to get the score down, they doubled-out on their first dart to seal the final game.

With 4 points in D501, we ended the night with a 7-11 loss. Next week we face the Huckleberries, in what might be a battle for 3rd place. Holy Cow!

Props:
Whitney - For supplying the cookies.
Dave / Nikki - For picking up the slack.

Worst Episode Ever

Rarely has a team raised the ire of The Ship as The Angels managed to this week. In an ironic parallel to the recent Yankees series against The "Baseball" Angels, The Ship played neck-in-neck with The "Dart" Angels all night, only to lose in a shocking upset, 8-10.

The Angels began their rankling early in the day, when the bartender told us to "show up early, and we can get started." Apparently this was a joke, since the boards were crowded when we got there, and the match started a whole 5 minutes early. Once things got underway, we played to a 3-3 tie with 6 tight games in S501.

The night started to get interesting during Cricket, where all 3 matches ended in splits. Nikki / Jen played two close games, the first of which they nearly out-bulled their opponents and almost got the win. In game 2, N / J pulled out to a big lead, and gave themselves some room with points. Apparently this offended the delicate flower on the other team, who later picked a fight with Nikki and said "Where I come from, you don't go for points when you're ahead." This girl was subsequently invited to our next match by Nikki, who told her she'd "see you next Tuesday". Later, while Dave / Meredith were playing, another one of the Angels offered a bizarre compliment, when he said "We almost don't want to beat you guys, we're having so much fun." At that point, we made a team decision to screw the match, and just hit their players with darts.

Tied 6-6 going into D501, we needed 2 of 3 to win the night and put the Angels in their place. Dave / Nikki did their part with a win in Game 1. Holly / Meredith lost a very close game, and in the last game, Rich / Jen lost despite doubling in right away. The final indignity came after they won the last match, and celebrated like they had won the World Series. They jumped up and down, cheered and broke out bottles of champagne. Then, they took pictures of the dartboard with their double-out in the board, the scoreboard, each other, and even tried to take a picture of Rich. Those not there to witness the outburst should be thankful, as an uglier scene can not be imagined.

Needless to say, Week 10 should be circled on all Ship Mates' calendars, as the date we get payback.

Props:
Nikki - Monster night, plus a TKO in the catfight
Jen - For sharing the love in a night full of hate.

Fore-Phat

OK Pyramid fans: A bride left at the altar...a comedian...a happy audience... Full of Ship.

And the answer is "Things that are stood up". Yup, for the first time in team history, we recorded a forfeit win. At 7:50P, the Guys & Dolls had only 2 people at the bar, and they were standing conveniently out in the street, instead of letting us know what was going on. After giving them another 1/2 hour, they finally told us they weren't going to have enough people, so they fore-foot. Apparently their problem is that their bar is all the way downtown (waah!) so they couldn't get to the Ship. Fortunately, all FOS members have completed their mandatory NYC subway instruction, and know how to get to the away matches (which are ALL downtown).

For the record, The Ship will get 10 points this week (they will get 0) and after week 5, everyone that was at the match will be credited with their average weekly AS points.

Not wanting to waste the boards, we played a few games of doubles and Fred / Mindy romped.

Props:
The Dart Tarts - Just because
Bernie Williams / Jason Giambi - So clutch

Break Out The Rustoleum

Welcome back, to that same old placed that you laughed about. Summer vacation is over, everyone is back from their trips, and Tuesday night dart matches are back in session.

It took a while to get going, but Rich (back from nowhere) eventually launched The Ship's season by blowing a perfectly good lead. Not only was his aim off, but apparently he also forgot how to do math in the off-season, as he expertly managed to leave himself with a 33-out. Picking up right where she left off last season, Mindy (back from Italy) won, and threw a Ton-25 (5 Bulls) on request from Fred. Dave (back from the DL) and Jen (back from a Road Trip) both worked themselves back into shape, but lost their matches, before Nikki (back from Nam) put up a well deserved win. In the final match, Fred (back from Parsippany) lost to the bartender and after a long first round, The Ship found itself down 4-2.

As the night slowly dragged on, the rust build-up on The Ship started to show. We only managed to put up one win in Cricket, and the stamina we were once known for was strangely absent. Our reserves started to fade, and we were down 9-3 going into D501, needing a sweep to pull out a tie. Nikki saw what needed to be done and finally called for a food run. A boatload of supplies were brought in, making our table look like a bulimic's wet dream. As we shamelessly scarffed down snacks, the oil in our pores started to wear away the rust in our arms.

Riding a sugar high, we rolled into D501. Fred / Mindy lost a close match in the first game, but Meredith / Jen posted a big win in game two, almost threatening to toss a midget. In the last match of the night, Rich / Dave put up a win in a very tight match, giving us 4 points in D501 and making the final score 7-11 for the night.

All things considered, not a bad night for The Ship. Next week we return to our newly refurbished home port (where renovations were done BEFORE the season started), to sit on the fancy seats and watch the Sampos.

Props:
Nikki - For the Salt & Vinegar chips
Mindy - For the Oreos
Jen - For the Pringles
Fred - For the Bagel

Ship Drops Anchor in Fifth Place

As Franky said, and now the end is near and so we face the final curtain.  Having already guaranteed the best finish in franchise history, the Ship faced the Justice League in the last match of the season, needing at least a tie protect a 2-point lead to lock-up fifth place in the hotly contested C-1 division of the NYDO.

Rich surprised everyone with a win to start things off in S501, but when Fred lost, there was speculation that this night might be the complete opposite of a regular match.  (It wasn't clear whether or not that was a good thing.)  Meredith put up a tough fight before losing a close match, but Holly, Mindy and Jen all picked up wins, giving the Ship a 4-2 lead and almost half of their goal for the night.  Meanwhile, in the nail-biting intra-squad competition, Fred's shocking loss opened the door for Mindy to capture the S501 Win % title with a .750 winning percentage.

Under strict orders not to lose, Fred / Mindy "R9" Robinson swept the first round of Cricket.  Rich / Holly picked up a split (despite some bad strategy), and Nikki / Meredith played two incredible games, but fell to very tough competition.  At the end of Cricket, the Ship had 7 points, needing only 1 win in D501 to get at least a tie.

In D501, Fred / Mindy walked the walk with a win in the first game, completing Mindy's undefeated night and proving she can beat people other than Holly and Rich.  Holly / Jeremy lost a tough match, despite making a strong comeback.  In the last game, D501 stalwarts Jen / Nikki appeared to be a lock, but they lost a double-out battle.  However, with one win, the Ship managed a 9-9 tie for the night, which was as good as a win, because it secured sole possession of fifth place.

Overall, it was by far the best season ever for the Ship.  The fifth place finish was not only just one spot out of the playoffs, but it was the first time in 3 seasons we didn't finish in last (or tied for last) place.  We scored 115 points, 13 more than last season (which included 2 BYE weeks) and 26 more than a year ago.  As a team, we scored 7,950 AS points, 258 more than last season and 2,017 more than a year ago.  And, as always, we had a damn good time doing it. 

So the Ship is docked for the season, and hopefully it will set sail again next season. Either way, as Jimmy says, it's been a lovely cruise.

Season-Ending Props: 
Ironman: Fred (55), Rich (54), Meredith (47)
AS Points: Fred (2218), Holly (1551)
Total Wins: Fred (31), Rich (28)
S501 Win %: Mindy (75%), Jen / Fred (71%)
Cricket Win %: Mindy (61%), Fred (61%)
D501 Win %: Jen (71%), Nikki (67%)
Overall Win %: Mindy (60%), Fred (56%)

Ship Flipped Off by Road Ragers

The last time we played Road Rage, we were in a battle for third place. This time it was a battle for fourth, and Road Rage treated us like we cut them off on the highway, as they slapped us with a 13-5 loss.

We started off the match slow, in the left lane, with our turn signals on. In the first game, Rich came back from a big deficit, but lost after failing to double out on 20, 10, 5, 2 and 1. We had a few close games, but we didn't manage to get into the flow of traffic until Fred asserted his S501dominance, posting our only win and extending his season S501 winning percentage to an astounding 77% (10 of 13).

Down 5-1, we couldn't manage to turn the corner in Cricket. In the first game, Rich / Dave got bitch-slapped for a loss, before coming back to earn a split. Jen / Meredith played really well until they were given bad directions, and ended up with two losses. Fred / Mindy also managed a split, but made things interesting by narrowly winning their second game after building up (and then giving back) a 6-bull lead.

Going into D501, we still had a chance to tie the match if we could manage to blow them off the road. Unfortunately, the powerhouse team of Dave / Fred dropped the first game. Luckily, Jen Cen returned from her cross country adventure and showed she has not lost her D501 touch. Jen / Mindy scored an impressive win, and Jen increased her D501 record to 83% (5 of 6). (Side note: Jen has won with Rich, Mindy and Meredith as partners, and her only loss came when she was paired with S501 champ Fred.) Rich / Meredith concluded the ugliness by not only losing the final game, but getting doubled-out on by their worst player.

Next week is the final week of the season, and will likely be a battle for fifth place, as we face the Justice League. 

Props: 
Jen - Back with a vengeance.  D501 win plus 100 AS points.
Dave - For stepping up to play, even though he lost 3 out of 4 games to a girl.

Meredith Kline Kicks Ass!

Turnabout is fair play and payback is a bitch. After last week's romp over a short-handed squad, we went into the match against the Loud Drunks with Darts with only four hands on deck. Although it would be tough to win the night, we had our own fierce internal competition brewing, with Rich and Fred battling for the most wins and Rich / Fred / Holly / Meredith battling for the title of Ironman.

To start the night, Fred and Rich lost their opening matches, keeping them even in total wins. Then Meredith not only won, but embarrassed her opponent, throwing a 94 and a Ton-33, and doubling out on her second try. Holly opened up a huge lead in the final game, but got nabbed at the end for a tough loss. With both Jeremy and Dave** getting destroyed in their matches, we finished S501 down 5-1.

In Cricket, Fred / Meredith took the first game and managed a split, with Meredith throwing a C3 in the second game. Rich / Holly also managed a split, winning a hard-fought game in their opening match by out-pointing their opponents. In the final game, Nikki / Mindy** got mopped up like the floor under Patrick Ewing during a free-throw, and we lost Cricket 4-2. 

Jen** opened up D501 by getting her midget tossed in a 2-on-1 game. In the second game, Rich / Holly nearly came back, but couldn't manage to double out. In the final game, Fred / Meredith rolled over the competition, taking a much-needed 2 points for the Ship and making the final score 13-5. In the equally important intra-Ship competition, Fred's 2 wins moved him into the "wins" lead by 1, while the Ironman title remains up for grabs.

Props: 
Meredith - 327 AS points, 3 wins, in on 4 of the 5 points, and 1 hernia from carrying the entire team.

** For purposes of this recap, all losses have been fictitiously assigned to non-attending teammates. You got a problem with that?

Papa Got a New Pair of Shoes

Rich, Fred and Mindy hit AC on Saturday, and brought back some fortune for lucky week eleven. The cards were stacked in our favor, as we were back in our home port and the Indigents didn't bring along a full house. At home, we have outscored our opponents 65-43 (versus 31-77 on the road) and with only 3 people on their team, anyone who bet against the Ship this week was facing long odds.

In S501, we only played 3 games. Holly drew their ace in the first game and, despite a valiant comeback, lost a tough match. Rich and Mindy cashed in with wins in their matches, and 3 forfeits gave the Ship a 5-1 lead after S501. Fred / Mindy doubled down to start out Cricket, taking both games of their 2-on-1 match. Holly / Nikki split the aces in their match, and with the final game forfeit, we took another 5 points in Cricket.

By the time we got to D501, we were up 10-2 and playing with the house's money. While it would have been easy to let down, we kept the pressure on, even though two of the games were 2-on-1. Jeremy / Holly started things off with a win. Rich / Nikki fought a war of attrition, before Nikki finally ended it by hitting the point. In the last game, Fred/Mindy faced a strong opponent, but Mindy's Ton-33 and Fred's Ton opened up a big lead. With Fred's double-out, we sealed a sweep in D501 and a final score of 16-2.

It might not have been as fun as a 12-1 payoff on "match the dealer", but it's still money in the bank.

Props: 
Mindy - 3 earned wins (no forfeits), 331 AS points. And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.

Abbey Normal

Normally there is nothing I like more than hanging out in seedy bars at the bottom of Manhattan and throwing darts. But in last night's 6-12 loss to the Imports, nothing seemed normal. Your fearless leader started the squad out on a low note with a loss, for the fifth time in six weeks. Luckily, your other fearless leader stepped up with a win and her usual Ton. We had some close games from Nikki and Meredith, and then Fred won a war of attrition, to extend his S501 win streak to eight games. The newly resurgent Jeremy showed up just in time to post another "W" and knot the match, and normally, there is nothing better than a knotted match.

Cricket started out with a bang, as the new dominant team of Fred and Jeremy posted a sweep. Normally, there's nothing better than starting out Cricket with a bang. But just as quickly, your fearless leader (and Nikki) gave it back by getting swept. Thankfully, your other fearless leader (and Meredith) stepped up, once again, and threw a great game, and secured a split, leaving us tied-up going into D501.

Normally, there is nothing better than being tied up going into Doubles 501. But we couldn't close the deal with the mixed-pairs teams we sent out. Fred/Nikki played a strong game but couldn't close the door. Jeremy / Meredith played well, but the other team doubled out on their first try. And then your fearless leaders stepped up for the final game. Normally, there is nothing better than being teamed up with Holly and having someone toss in a midget. But somehow it didn't seem so fun when it was actually happening. Down by over 250 points before they doubled in, Rich/Holly fought back hard to get back in the game. But, they missed their chances at doubling out and The Ship's decks were swept in D501.

Normally, there is nothing better than having The Ship's deck swept (say that 10 times fast), but last night, not so much. Let's see if we can return to normal next week, at home, versus the Indigents.

Props: 
Fred - 3 wins, 216 AS points. Another day at the office.
Holly - 2 wins, 220 AS points. Solid.
Jeremy - Off the S501 schneid.

You Don't Mess Around With The Ship

A little karaoke, to the tune of "You Don't Mess Around With Jim":

Uptown got it's hustlers
West 3rd Street got it's bums
The Pussycat has the Brew Crew
Some dart-throwin' son of a guns
Yeah, they're big and dumb as a man can come
But the darts they can surely toss
And when you go to the NYDO site
They all call Da Brew Crew "Boss"

Well outta the North came a fiesty team
Good-lookin', fun-lovin' and hip
A dart-throwin' squad
With a dollar and a dream
You know them as The Ship
They came lookin' for the team at the top of the league
That was wearin' headbands like a bunch of dorks
We knew we had a chance
As we stepped up to the dance
And it was time to throw some corks.

Undaunted, The Ship stepped up with guts
Two Singles 501 games were won
Fred continued his streak
And Holly rolled along
After starting her game with a Ton
In Cricket two games were taken
Setting the match at eight to four
And like it has so many times
It came down to doubles 501 once more.

Well a hush fell over the dart room
When Mindy played with her cut-up hand
With her gutsy performance
She set the stage
For Meredith and Jeremy to take a stand
We took two points, you should have seen their faces
And you can bet we weren't done
And you better believe
They sung a different kind of story
When big Fred hit Double-one.

Now they say...

You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with The Ship

Props:
The Squad - 8 points against the top team is a solid night.
Meredith - Treble, Treble, Treble. 15, 16, 17 and 19, all in one game.
Mindy - For snubbing the DL and laughing at pain.
Jeremy - 96 AS points, 2 wins
Fred - Off the schneid in D501.
Jim Croce - For the lyrics.

Ship Too Damn Good-Looking

Statistics, schmagistics. After careful study and in-depth analysis, it has been determined that proficiency in darts has nothing to do with practice. Won / Loss percentage, partner pairings, past performance all mean nothing. In the end, it appears that the less attractive you are, the better you are at darts. Frankly, what else could explain these guys from the scary Canadian team, and the Ship's 13-5 loss to O'Hanlon's?

Rich, playing in a suit that upgraded his appearance to "passable", started off the night by getting crushed by Kowalski. Then, the lovely Holly and Meredith both lost close games. Dashing Fred (6 - 2) and stunning Mindy (5 - 1) extended their strong records in S501, where they have consistently and fortuitously been matched up against a string of Victoria's Secret models and Brad Pitt. (Oddly, they have also consistently played trolls and gnomes in their D501 matches, where they have a combined record of 1 win and 11 losses. Apparently there's no "I" in the beholder of doubles.) Then, in a heartbreaking ending, Nikki lost when her troglodyte opponent got out from 77.

When paired up, the Ship's attractive powers multiply, causing real trouble with Cricket and D501. In the Cricket round, the strapping Fred and sultry Meredith lost two hard-fought matches. Sexy Mindy and exotic Nikki, who should absolutely never win together, amazingly managed a split. (Their win was credited more to their lack of practice than to attractiveness, which is a corollary to the newly discovered phenomena that must be researched further.) Rich and Holly didn't stand a chance in their match against two ogres. While Holly tried her best to buck the trend, even her heroic effort was not enough to overcome the disparity between pulchritude and repugnance.

In order to overcome their combined splendor, The Ship needed a sweep in D501 to tie up the match. While everyone else in the bar was becoming more attractive with each passing beer, Rich and his Cokes managed to maintain their unsightliness, allowing him to double out for a win to start D501. But the exquisite team of Fred and Mindy were doomed from the start, and the dazzling pair of Meredith and Holly were so gruesome-impaired that they needed some magic to avoid an embarrassing midget tossing.

When it comes right down to it, we look marvelous, and we pay a price for it.

Props: 
Holly - For the lineup.
Meredith - The Einstein of darts theory.

Bang! Bam! Pow! Ship Fights Justice League

The entire crew was on deck for the match against the Justice League. We started out strong, taking four games in S501, including a Superman-like finish in Rich's match in which he came from way behind and won with a 78 Out (two 20's and a double 19).Our Cricket pairs played more like Gleek than the Wonder Twins, and we were only able to pull out 1 win in a comeback by Dave / Rich. They needed to hit a bunch of bulls to catch up in points, and then won in a rare ending for a Cricket game of two 16's. So, down 7-5, we needed 2 wins in D501 to tie the night and prevail over the Justice League.

Luckily, we had better luck against the Justice League than the Legion of Doom does. Dave and Jeremy proved to be a dynamic duo, as they started out with one of the most solid D501 games we've seen in a while. They doubled in right away, and opened up a 250 point lead before the other team even got in. With huge points in each round, they were down to the double out quickly, and wasted no time putting the game away. Mindy / Holly had a tough game, but almost came back to win before they were edged out. But then we pulled out the anchor of the Ship, our undefeated (3-0) Wonder Women team of Jen / Meredith, to get us the tie. They got in right away, and then assaulted the League pair. The League tried to mount a comeback, but their efforts to save the day were thwarted when Jen doubled out before they could do any damage.

So, it was fitting that we marked the half-way point of our voyage with a 9-9 tie. As we turn the corner of the season, we are sailing on an even keel. We are in the middle of the league (5 points out of the playoffs) and averaging about 9 points a night (50%). As a team, our overall winning percentage is 47% and our head-to-head record is 3-3-1.

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice (aka Iggy's Bar).... a fiendish plot was being hatched to torture the ears of the citizens of Metropolis. I didn't need my spider sense to tell me that the singers were evil. Meredith saved the day with a rousing version of "Just A Girl", and Jeremy turned in a heroic effort on "Pour Some Sugar on Me". The nefarious villains fought back by butchering classics like "Dead or Alive", "Enter Sandman" and even "Yakety Yak". Resorting to the only weapon left to defeat this menace, our heroes countered with the extended remix version "American Pie" (plus the hypnotic dance accompaniment). Lulled into a state of calm, the villains were foiled, left with only harmless Pat Benatar songs and a clichéd "New York, New York". The menace was gone and our heroes will go on to fight another week.

Props: 
Mindy - 138 AS points. Off the schneid.
Dave - 325 AS points, 1 Cricket and D501 romp (w/ Jeremy).
Meredith & Jen - Big win to secure the tie, and in perfect harmony.

An Ode to the Ship (Redux)

You asked and you pleaded
You begged and you moaned.
Your calls have been heeded,
For another "Roadhouse Poem".

Back downtown the little Ship did sail,
To write another chapter of its ongoing tale.
The characters may have changed and Dewan was not there,
But there's beer and darts, so we don't care.
This time there was Rage, not Pirates, to face,
As the Ship went into a "Battle for Third Place!"

The match started out strong, or so it did seem.
Fred won his game and put the "I" back in "team".
And once again our rookies were a hit,
As Jen and Meredith won to give us a split.

We tried to select our Cricket players discreetly,
But Meredith drew some attention by missing the board completely.
After randomness had decided our fate, Jen and Fred did truly dominate.
But the rest of the round really gave us fits,
And we finished the round with another of our patented splits.
Plus the round cost us, as Jen was brought to her knees,
by a questionable bowl of Roadhouse Mac and Cheese.

As in weeks past, the match was tied, with Doubles 501 the round to decide.
We paired-up the best we can be, to try and take two out of three.
We even made an attempt to distract, with H 'n' M doing their G 'n' G act.
And Meredith's siren song nearly created a row,
As she proclaimed "I don't want a lap dance, I want a show!"
But all the distractions went for naught, as the matches were all well fought.
The first and second games both came down to the wire,
But we lost both and the situation was dire.
We won the last game and gave them a fight, making the final score 10-8 for the night.

We put on a good show for the sales force from Time.
They were so happy, in fact, that it was all on their dime.
We'll see you next week with your darts all pointy,
Anoint my head, anointy-nointy.

Props:
Fred - 315 AS points, 3 wins... now if you can just win at D501 .
Jen - 3 wins. I think the Mac n Cheese was spiked.

Loud Drunks Quieted by Ship

The crew of the Ship is rapidly expanding. This season our family has added a new baby, a new brother-in-law and cousins crawling out of the woodwork. With our founder on hand to watch, along with many of our growing legion of fans, the Ship put on quite an entertaining show last night, in our huge 10-8 win over the Loud Drunks with Darts.

Although sparsely attended due to many in the crowd being distracted by our mascot, the Singles 501 round was well played. We won 4 games and took a commanding lead into Cricket. Unfortunately, Cricket proved to be a tough round, although we managed a split from Nikki / Meredith, and two hard fought games from Mindy and Fred that also ended in a split. With Rich / Jen dropping 2 games, we lost the round 2-4, setting the stage for Doubles 501.

With the match all tied going into D501, Fred and Nikki lost the first game in a very close contest. The second game was eerily reminiscent of last year's match at home against Finnerty's, in which Rich and Dave pulled out a close game against Jose and Matt. This time, it was Rich and Mindy pulling out a tight game against Jose and Ricky. So, after a long night of tough competition, all of the pressure fell on the newest shipmates, as the entire match came down to one last game.

For the second time this season, Jen and Meredith put together a phenomenal final D501 game to secure the victory for the team. At first it seemed as if no one wanted to double in, and the tension mounted with each attempt. The Drunks got in first with a 41, but Jen answered right back, getting in with a 38 on the next throw. From there, the former rookies took charge and quickly worked their way down to their out. With a few attempts from each team at getting out, Jen nailed the double "3" to seal the victory for the night.

With 3 wins in the 3 home matches this season, our fans are getting their money's worth.

Props: 
Meredith / Jen - My heroes, again.
Mindy - For S501 and D501 wins and a split in Cricket.

Ship Hits Rough Waters "On the C"

It was a dark and stormy night. The Ship set out on the sea for a long voyage to a distant land. The storm clouds on the horizon foretold doom, but our intrepid adventurers forged ahead, determined to complete their mission and boldly go where no one has gone before.

The captains led the way in the first stage, winning the first two games of Singles 501. Jeremy waged a fierce battle, but was just edged out in the race to double "1", and Nikki ran into a raging torrent and was nearly washed overboard. But, with Fred's win, we were tied 3-3 going into Cricket. The stage was set with a split in the first game, but it proved to be the calm before the storm. Suddenly, the seas got rough and our little ship was tossed around in the fierce waves. The crew fought gallantly, but forces beyond their control seemed to take over. After eking out a split in the second game, we lost the final games, and were down 5-7 going into D501. At this point, the storm clouds broke open and the sea raged. We lost the first two D501 games, and it looked like the Ship might actually sink. But the crew rallied together, and fought back against the tumult. Nikki broke through with a double "2" to get on the board and a glimmer of hope emerged. Slowly but surely we fought back, and in the end we doubled out, making the final score 7-11. The storm passed and we made it through unscathed. Now on back to our home port, for another adventure.

Props:

Nikki - For cab fare.

Ship Imports a Win (and some Chips and Matches)

As Woody Allen once said "90% of life is just showing up." Of course, the other 10% is doubling out... and bull. So, because the Imports only exported 4 people for the match, we got 6 points on forfeits and coasted to a 12-6 victory.

But that recap hardly sums up the night, as there were many highlights despite the fact that there were relatively few games. First off, Nikki underscored the importance of showing up by notching a S501 win, a C3, and a D501 forfeit win in her first match of the season. [So off the schneid.] Plus, Holly and Rich kept their undefeated streak intact by scoring 2 more Cricket wins. And, Fred racked up 188 more AS points, surpassing his total for all of last season in only 3 weeks.

But the rooks really stole the show, with a huge win in D501 to close the night. While we were guaranteed an overall victory, we needed a win in the final game to score a huge moral victory. Jen stepped up and doubled in on her third dart to start things off, just ahead of the Imports, who doubled in on their next turn. You would have never known they were rookies, as Jen and Meredith then proceeded to knock down points like it was their j-o-b. Meredith then slammed the door shut in her first shot at doubling out.

And then, as has become our custom, we went out to a piano bar and sang "Sweet Caroline".

Props:

Fred - For passing Frank on the All-Star list.
Meredith / Jen - My heroes.

Fat Black Pussycat Crosses Ship's Path

Bad luck hung over the bar when we crossed the path of the Fat Black Pussycat. We were doomed when we had to walk under a ladder and step on a crack just to get inside the bar. So, it's no surprise that they beat us "13" to 5.

Rich knocked on wood and managed to pull out a win to start the match. We lost some tough matches after that, until Mindy showed up with her 4-leaf clover and scored a win in the final S501 match. In Cricket, Fred scored a C3 to win the opening match, and we managed to split the round 3-3. Searching for a lucky horseshoe, we juggled the lineup for D501. However, among some of the McDonald's runs, someone must have spilled some salt, because things went downhill from there. Fred/Jen and Holly/Mindy both had chances to win their D501 games, but got just edged out. And then I broke the mirror in the bathroom, leading to the unluckiest of all matches in which Meredith and I nearly had our midget tossed. Luckily, Meredith rubbed her rabbit's foot and managed to double-in just before they slammed the door in our face.

Someone remember to bring the Pink Hearts, Yellow Moons, Orange Stars, Green Clovers, Blue Diamonds, Purple Horseshoes and a Leprechaun for next week's home match against the Imports.

Props:

Fred - For likely maintaining his spot on the All-Star list.

Ship Sinks O'Hanlon's on Opening Day / Fred Ibarra makes the All-Star List

There is nothing like Opening Day. The excitement in the air, freshly cut grass on the field, a sense of hope and opportunity and the feeling that all things are possible. The young rookies getting their first taste of the show and the seasoned veterans hoping for one last shot at glory. And what really kicks ass is when you win, which we did.

While it took some time to get used to, the new lineup seems to be working for the squad. In an exciting game that went into the bottom of the ninth all tied up, we pulled out a 10-8 victory to kick off the Spring 2002 season. We tied each of the first two round 3-3, with Jen scoring a victory in her first game ever, and Rich / Holly sweeping Cricket to keep the match tied going into Doubles 501. And then, just like Kirk Gibson and Bobby Thomson, we knocked one out of the park to win it. And then, unlike Gibson and Thomson, we went out to a piano bar and sang "Sweet Caroline".

Props:

Holly - A sweep! She's a Yankee Doodle girl.
Meredith & Jen - Solid starts for the rookies, with 2 wins and 214 combined AS points.
New York Magazine - For bulletin board material.

The Final Countdown

Ahoy Shipmates,

Ted Williams homered in the final at-bat of his career. John Elway turned in an MVP performance and brought Denver a Super Bowl title in the final game of his career. Michael Jordan hit a 20-footer at the buzzer to give the Bulls a one-point victory and their sixth World Championship in his final.... Well, you get the idea. 

And in his final dart match Dave Levin went 4-0, accounted for 5 points, and scored a whopping 493 All-Star points, including a midget-tossing in the final game. If I hadn't blown the fuse, he would have shot the lights out.

We went into the night 2 points ahead of the Vicars, the last place team. Despite some solid play, our 8-10 loss put us in a tie for last place to end the season. In one sense, that is an improvement over last season, when we finished last. But in another, more accurate sense, it's pretty much the same.

Luckily every week was a lot of fun. I'm ready for next season. See you at Jeremy's for the BBQ.

Instead of Props, here's a few season ending stats for you (more later):

All-Star Points: Dave (1987), John (1338), Rich (1300)
Total Wins: Rich (22), Dave (20), Fred (16)
S501 Wins: Fred (6), Mindy (5), Rich (5)
Cricket Wins: Dave (11), Rich (10), Fred/Holly (8)
D501 Wins: Rich (7), Dave (5), Holly (3)